Operation Cowboy Daddy Page 18

  She wouldn’t be around to see any of his other milestones. She wouldn’t hear Joey say his first word or take his first step. She wouldn’t cry just a little bit as she put him on a big yellow bus for his first day of school.

  She shoved the depressing thought aside. “Cassie, is there anything I can help you with?” She needed to do something, anything, besides sit at this table across from Tony.

  “Sure, you could get down bowls and plates and then grab the crackers in the pantry,” Cassie replied.

  She felt Tony’s gaze on her as she reached to take down bowls and plates from the cabinet. His eyes tracked her as she walked across the room to the walk-in pantry.

  She felt no recriminations from him, no negative energy at all. It was as if last night had never happened. If that was the way he wanted it, she was more than happy to play it that way.

  Lunch was actually pleasant. Adam joined them and the talk centered around the ranch and the rain. The soup was delicious and her nerves faded away with the very normalcy of her conversation with Tony and the others.

  She couldn’t help but notice how solicitous Adam was of Cassie and how often his gaze lingered on her. Mary wondered if Cassie had any idea that Adam had feelings for her. She thought about saying something to Cassie about it but decided she had no business meddling in anyone else’s relationship, since she’d so badly botched hers with Tony.

  Adam left after lunch and after the dishes were put away Cassie brought out the game of Monopoly. “I read in my Aunt Cass’s diary that she and my uncle often played this on rainy days, so who is game?”

  “Don’t let Grandmother be banker,” Mary said. “She cheats.”

  “My granddaughter speaks with forked tongue,” Halena replied, causing everyone to laugh.

  Tony was designated banker and it didn’t take long to see they were all highly competitive. The dice rolled fast and money changed hands as properties were bought and rent was collected.

  Joey napped while the game continued, the stakes getting higher and the laughter more rowdy. It was almost dinnertime when they finally conceded that Halena was the winner with the most money and property.

  They ate more soup for supper and after that both Halena and Cassie went upstairs to their rooms, leaving Tony and Mary in the great room with Joey on the floor. It was then that her nerves jumped back to life.

  She tensed as Tony sank down next to her on the sofa. “Relax, Mary,” he said. “I don’t want my nearness to you to stress you out.”

  “I don’t know how to act with you,” she confessed.

  “Act like Mary,” he replied. “Act like the intelligent, beautiful, funny woman that you are. We’re good, Mary, and there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  Why did he have to be so wonderful? Why couldn’t he be a jackass? She gazed down at Joey, who was happily entertaining himself with his fist in his mouth and his foot in his other hand.

  “What are you going to do, Tony?” She looked back up at him. He had to know that after their conversation last night she wasn’t a viable part of his or Joey’s future.

  He frowned thoughtfully. “I’ve been working all kinds of potential answers to that question around in my head.” He leaned back against the cushion and released a deep sigh.

  “If Ash isn’t caught in the next couple of days, then I’m going to get an apartment or a house in town. I’ve got enough money stashed away that I can be a stay-at-home dad for a year or so.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he replied firmly. “I’m sure he’s out there, Mary. What I’m hoping is that he’ll see where I go and he won’t bother you or your grandmother ever again. He’s after Joey. There’s no reason to think that you will be in danger anymore.”

  “Does Cassie know your plan?”

  “Not yet. I’m hoping to get a chance to talk to her first thing tomorrow, and then if you don’t mind keeping an eye on Joey for a couple of hours, I’m planning on heading into town to see if I can find a place to live.”

  Mary sighed and gazed down at Joey. He was such a little bundle of joy to be at the heart of such upheaval. “You’re writing wonderful things in his book of life, Tony.”

  “I’d hoped that you’d be around to add a couple of chapters to that book.”

  His voice was so soft, so tender, and she refused to look up and meet his eyes. “You know I’ll be more than happy to watch Joey for however long you need tomorrow,” she replied.

  Joey began to fuss. It was time for his fill-up bottle before bedtime. Mary rose and picked up Joey. “Tony, why don’t you go ahead and go. I know you were on guard duty last night and you were here pretty early this morning. You’ve got to be exhausted. I’ll just give him his bottle and put him to bed.”

  “I am tired,” he admitted.

  Together they walked from the living room to the kitchen. Tony kissed Joey on the forehead, his nearness threatening to weaken her knees. He raised his head and held her gaze for a long moment.

  “I’m not giving up on us, Mary.” He turned and went out the back door.

  She remained standing still, her heart pounding. It was only when Joey began to cry in earnest that she hurried for his bottle.

  She carried the baby back into the great room and sank down on the sofa to feed him. As Joey greedily chugged his meal, Tony’s parting words went around and around in her head.

  I’m not giving up on us.

  So, he intended to make this difficult for her. What he didn’t understand was that it took two to tango...and she wasn’t dancing.

  * * *

  Tony looked around the small apartment with a frown. Although it had been advertised as a two-bedroom, one of the bedrooms was no bigger than a walk-in closet.

  He didn’t want Joey staying in a closet. He turned to the landlord, Bernie Davies, with a smile. “Thanks for showing it to me, Bernie. I’ve got a couple of other options to check out, but one way or the other I’ll get back in touch with you.”

  “You’d better make up your mind fast,” Bernie replied as the two men walked out of the place. “Empty apartments don’t last long in a town where there’s only one small apartment complex.”

  The Bitterroot apartment complex had a grand total of eight units and as Tony drove away he hoped to find something better for him and Joey.

  Of course, the ideal situation would be Mary’s house. He could easily imagine the spare room being Joey’s bedroom. His crib would be in front of the window, where he could see the morning sun come up, and Mary would make a special dream catcher to hang over his head.

  Tony could also easily fantasize being in Mary’s bed each night, her warm body curled into his after they’d made love. They could all be such a happy family.

  Last night when he’d told Mary what he intended to do, he’d hoped she would fall into his arms and profess her love for him. He’d so desperately wanted her to tell him he didn’t need to look for any other place to live, that his home would be with her.

  He’d been convinced that he just needed to fight harder for her and allow her whatever time she needed to come to the conclusion they belonged together. However, she’d been distant that morning and his hope for a future with her was slowly slipping away.

  He drove down Main Street and arrived at the address of a rental house. It was an old two-story newly painted gray with black trim.

  The owner, Amanda Sanders, stood on the wraparound front porch and greeted him with a wide smile as he got out of his truck and approached her.

  “Afternoon, Tony,” she said.

  “Same to you.” He walked up on the porch and took a look around at the yard. The lawn was neat with only a small pile of autumn leaves around the base of an oak tree.

  “Shall we go inside so you can have a look around?” Aman
da asked.

  “Absolutely,” Tony agreed. He followed the old woman into a small foyer. He knew Amanda was a widow and probably depended on the rent of this house to supplement her finances.

  Hardwood floors gleamed as they walked into a nice-sized living room with a staircase leading to the upstairs. The walls also appeared newly painted. “How long has it been empty?” he asked.

  “About a month. The last tenants had no respect for property. They left me a real mess here, but as you can see it’s in tip-top shape now.”

  The kitchen was adequate and the upstairs bedrooms were roomy. There was plenty of closet space and the bathrooms boasted new fixtures.

  The house was nice. The backyard was big and the rent was reasonable. There was absolutely nothing to stop him from writing a check and claiming the place as his new home. Except it didn’t feel like home.

  Home was a place where Halena wore mismatched clothes and sometimes a hat. It was where Mary wove baskets and action movies played on the television and the leaves on the trees whispered that love and happiness would last forever.

  “So, what do you think?” Amanda asked.

  Tony jammed his hands in his pockets. “I’ll give you a call later this evening and let you know what I’ve decided. I’ve still got a couple of other places to check out.”

  That was a lie. He hadn’t seen anything else in the paper that would be viable except the apartment and Amanda’s place, and out of the two, this was really perfect. But he was reluctant to commit himself.

  Minutes later as he headed back to the ranch he kicked himself for being a fool. He believed Mary was in love with him, but something held her back, but that might just be a fool’s thought.

  He had no choice but to build a life without her. So, why hadn’t he written a deposit check to Amanda? Why hadn’t he taken the first step in securing a safe place for Joey?

  By the time he reached the ranch he was in a foul mood. Instead of taking his mood to the big house, he decided to take a quick horseback ride. It had been too long since he’d taken Rascal out for some exercise.

  Brody was in the stables when Tony walked in. “You taking Rascal out?”

  “Yeah, I figured I could take a short ride before dinner,” Tony replied.

  “Do you mind some company? I need to get Midnight out for a ride.”

  Tony looked at Brody in surprise. “Wouldn’t mind the company at all.”

  The two men got busy saddling up. Tony was surprised by Brody riding with him. Brody rarely actively sought the company of the others.

  Brody was the man you wanted next to you in a fight, but he was also the man Tony knew the least about even after living with him for the past fifteen years.

  They mounted and left the stable at a walking pace, heading for the pasture in the distance. “I heard you talked to Cassie this morning about quitting and moving into town,” Brody said.

  Tony shook his head with a wry grin. “No secrets on this ranch.”

  “Except maybe one.” Brody gazed to the right as they passed the burial pit where the skeletons had been found.

  Tony’s stomach muscles tightened. “I think Dillon is barking up the wrong tree thinking any of us might be responsible for that.”

  “I don’t know what I think about it. Now, let’s ride.” Brody nudged his horse with his heels and took off.

  Tony followed, allowing Rascal full rein to run like the wind. The air smelled of wood smoke and cattle, of dying leaves and a hint of pumpkin.

  September had turned to October. It was hard to believe that it had been a month ago that he’d appeared on Mary’s doorstep with Joey.

  He shoved all thoughts out of his mind and just focused on the wind on his face, the familiar smells of the ranch that had always comforted him.

  They raced across the pasture until they reached a stand of trees and a dry creek bed. Only then did they rein in and return to a slower pace.

  “You’re going to miss us,” Brody said.

  “I will,” Tony replied.

  “What if Joey isn’t yours?”

  “Then I’ll adopt him.” Funny, Tony had never really considered what he’d do if the DNA test came back and he discovered he wasn’t Joey’s biological father and yet his answer to Brody had come easily.

  “Amy is dead, and if justice is served, Ash Moreland will spend the rest of his life behind bars,” he continued. The last thing he wanted was for Joey to go into foster care.

  He sat up straighter in his saddle as a new thought blossomed in his head. Was the reason Mary refused to admit she loved him because she couldn’t have children? Did she just assume that eventually he’d want more kids and therefore she couldn’t be right for him?

  “Brody, I’m heading back,” Tony said. He couldn’t wait to get to the big house and tell Mary that her inability to bear a child didn’t matter to him.

  A new hope shimmered in his heart as he raced Rascal back to the stable. He unsaddled and stalled the horse in record time and then hurried to the back door.

  Cassie greeted him. She and Halena were bustling in the kitchen and cooking dinner. Mary sat at the table with Joey in his bouncy chair.

  “Don’t get in their way,” Mary said. “I offered to help and they practically banished me to my room.”

  The lightness of her tone pleased him, as did the beautiful vision she presented clad in jeans and a pink T-shirt and with her hair loose around her shoulders. Her features were relaxed and a smile curved her lips.

  “We’re attempting to create culinary magic in here,” Cassie said.

  “Far be it for me to interfere with magic,” Tony replied. “Mary, would you mind talking to me outside for a minute?”

  He hated the wariness that suddenly leaped into her eyes.

  “Go on, I’ll keep an eye on Joey,” Halena said.

  She got up and followed him out to the back porch. “Did you find a place to rent today?” she asked.

  “I found a house that I’m considering. Mary, a few minutes ago I was taking a quick horse ride with Brody and he asked me what I was going to do if the DNA results showed that I wasn’t the father. I told him if that was the case, then I’d adopt Joey.”

  “That would be wonderful, Tony.” She visibly relaxed once again.

  “What would be even more wonderful is if you’d marry me and we can adopt more babies if we decide we want to give Joey brothers or sisters.”

  For just a moment her eyes shone with sweet yearning, with a wistfulness that nearly took his breath away as his heart swelled full in his chest. But just as quickly as the emotions had come, they vanished and her gaze became dark and unfathomable.

  “You have to stop,” she said and took a step back from him. “You have to stop this, Tony.” Her lower lip began to tremble. “We don’t have a future together. We’re not going to get married and adopt children. Find a nice woman who makes you happy.”

  “I already have,” he replied. Again he was half-breathless, this time as his heart deflated and disappeared into a cold emptiness. “Mary, I won’t stop believing that you love me. I just wish you’d tell me what’s holding you back.”

  She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I don’t owe you any explanation. I’m telling you that you have no future with me and that’s enough said.”

  He stared at her, loving her even as he saw nothing but rejection in her eyes. He released a hollow sigh and jammed his hands into his pockets. “It doesn’t matter to me that you can’t have children. I’m sure there are Native American babies who need the good and loving home that you and I could provide. Maybe there’s a little boy like I was who doesn’t know where he fits in the world.”

  A shaft of pain crossed her features. “I’m finished with this discussion.” She turned to go back into the house and even t
hough Tony wanted to stop her...he let her go.

  He pulled his hands from his pockets and set off across the lawn toward the cowboy dining room, where dinner would be served soon. He had no appetite. His stomach was filled with a huge stone of misery.

  He’d been so sure that her inability to have a child was what had held her back. He’d also been certain that if he told her he didn’t care about it, then she’d fall into his arms.

  As he trudged across the huge yard, he made a vow that first thing in the morning he would call Amanda and secure the house for his future. Tomorrow he would focus on his role as a single father and what needed to be done to assure Joey had a good home. He’d need to buy furniture and make sure all the utilities were turned on. He’d give Joey a nursery fit for a king. Starting tomorrow he was not going to think about Mary and what might have been.

  In the meantime all he had to do was get through this long and lonely night.

  Chapter 14

  Amy’s body had been released to Tony. There had been nobody else to claim her and the last thing he had wanted was for her to remain any longer in the morgue.

  Cassie had been gracious enough to allow her to be buried in the Holiday ranch cemetery. Tony had spoken to Reverend Wally Donaldson, who had agreed to officiate for a small funeral.

  It had been two days since Tony had once again confessed his love for Mary and although they had been friendly with each other he’d also sensed that she was cautious around him. She’d made sure that in those two days they had never been alone in a room.

  He now pulled on a black suit jacket, which Cass had insisted all the men have for funerals and weddings, and headed for the house.

  As he walked, he glanced over to the cemetery where Amy’s casket was already in place. Today he would bury the mother of his child. It hadn’t seemed real until this moment.

  He should have bought flowers. Somebody should have thought of flowers. The casket looked so bare, so lonely just sitting there next to the pit that had been dug to receive it.

  It had all happened so fast. Dillon had told them that there was nobody to claim Amy’s body. She had no family and there hadn’t been any other friends. The arrangements had been fast so she could be laid to rest as quickly as possible.